me: *cooking*

sister’s dad: I stayed up till 5 last night and I heard the birds start to sing.

me: *looks at him*

sister’s dad: It was pretty cool.

me:

me: …

me: …cool story bro…

This man has the outside of the house looking like nobody lives here. Yard looks like shit. Grass, plants, weeds, and bushes are all overgrown. Mailbox is falling off of the house. And then he gets mad when the city fines him or tries to cut his grass for him talking about this is private property and they’re trespassing. The house doesn’t even look lived in… looks like shit… I see why they keep harassing you. This house is a dump…I see why they’re tryna take the house.

This is the worst feeling I’ve ever felt. I don’t think I’ve ever loved someone so much that their pain has been able to cause me pain like this. I hate these feelings with every fibre of my being. I feel sick…I feel upset…I feel uncomfortable. The one person I love the most in my little world is suffering and I can’t make it stop. I’ve never seen him like this and I hate it. I want to make it all go away but I can’t. I can’t stop whats already happened. I couldn’t stop that senseless act of violence that killed your dad. But it doesn’t stop me from wishing I could. I want everything to be happy the way it was before but it can’t be that way. I never want you to be crushed like this but I can’t stop it. I want things to be calm and normal like before but they just can’t be! So much I want to do but all of it is impossible! I just wanna scream…I hate this I hate this I hate this!

I feel so restrained like I can’t let it out…I don’t even know what “it” is! I don’t know if I need to scream or cry…I’ve been writing constantly but this feeling it just wont go away and…I hate it! I FUCKING HATE IT!

He died…but he’s not even my father…he’s yours. But what hurts you hurts me too. I love you with my whole heart and to see you like this breaks my heart into so many pieces. I can feel the pain through your words and it hurts me to my very core. Theres so much I want to say but there are no words. I’m so sorry. And…I just…

I love you.

I love you.

I Love You.

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